Principle One: I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

"Life's a bitch. You have to go out there and kick ass."

Now that you've taken your first steps into togetherness, I thought it was time to explain some of the key principles behind "Becoming Sophrosyne". The plan was born out of the stresses and strains of corporate graduate life and the challenges we face in trying to find the balance; challenges that are often unique to being or intensified by being a woman. 

I have never thought of myself as a feminist (at least, not in the bra-burning, male-hating, crazy kinda way) but I am definitely pro-equality. I am a woman. I also happen to work in business. This means that I have a somewhat vested interest in how women can make it to the top...and the huge gender gap that exists in this arena. I work in beauty, an industry that one would perhaps presume to be dominated by women. However, once you look at positions higher than Marketing Director, the company is still largely dominated by men.

Initially, I never really questioned it but after a while, it really started to grate on me. Where are all the women? All these hugely talented, intelligent, bright women who I work with every day. Where do they go? Why don't they "make it"? 

I am a huge fan of TED talks and recently found a talk by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, addressing exactly this point:

There are some pretty shocking statistics in that speech: only 15% of people "at the top" (C-level jobs, board seats etc) are women. Sheryl attributes this to women having to make the conscious choice between professional success and personal fulfilment. Her solution is to keep women in the work force by proposing 3 messages that we need to "get out there":

1. Sit at the table: women systematically underestimate their own abilities. They do not negotiate in the work place. You have the right to a seat. Take it.
2. Make your partner a real partner: we need to make as much progress at home as we have in the work place. We have to let women stay in the work force.
3. Don't leave before you leave: women plan. If they know they might want to start a family, they mentally check out too early and miss opportunities.

Sheryl makes a good point. In our society, it is true that there is more pressure on women to make a decision between having a career and having a family. I have been exposed to this at the age of 23, still years away from even entertaining the possibility of children. Recently, I have had discussions with friends who have told me that they would almost certainly give up their careers when the time for family comes. These are strong, independent, ambitious women. I would not criticise their choice if I believed that they were making the decision because it's what they really want to do but I genuinely find it shocking that, in the 21st century, our women are dropping out of the work force because they can't see a viable alternative.

Add on to that the fact that success and likeability are positively correlated for men yet, the more successful a woman is, the less she is liked. And not just by men, but by her female peers and colleagues too. We are already fighting an uphill battle against age old stereotypes and conflicting life decisions without throwing bitching and backstabbing into the mixer. 

Why should it be that just because a woman fights for what she believes in, works hard and fights the scrappy battles to succeed that she is automatically characterised as political, or selfish, or hard to work with?! These women are the game changers, the ones who are putting their balls (or not, as it happens) on the line to close the gap and level out the playing field. These are the women that should be celebrated, the women that will make the big, bad corporate world a fairer and more equally representative place to be. We should support them or, even better, BE them.

So, now that I have had my rant, I have a favour to ask. In fact, I have a few. Because, if you don't ask, you don't get. You might have noticed by now that I love a quote so here are 3 that I would love for you to remember as you navigate your way through the corporate minefield.

1. Good things don't come to those who wait, they come to those who dream: Take your seat at the table. Believe in your abilities. Fight for what you believe in.
2. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined: Stop planning, start doing. Don't worry about what might (or might not) happen. Take every opportunity.
3. A problem shared is a problem halved: Don't bitch. We're all in this together. One step at a time, we can all make a difference.

Love, life and laughter,

Sophrosyne

xxx

Step Three: Happy Medium

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

Firstly, I think I need to confess that I am writing whilst wearing my onesie and eating fried food having been struck down by a potentially fatal case of beer fear. So, apologies in advance if this post becomes a bit of a one woman pity party but I am in need of a very serious personal meeting...and I thought it would be a handy way to explain the next stage of the plan.

Not only have I failed to tick of any of my "baby steps" this week (seriously, my nails are beyond grim), but I also failed so impressively at maintaining any level of moderation and self-control, that it falls into the category of being the antithesis of sophrenity. But, THAT'S OK.

We entered into "The Togetherness Plan" knowing that it would be a challenge. We had our epiphany moment and celebrated victories on the road to inner harmony, no matter how small. But we also accepted that there would be some pitfalls along the way. Sobrietas was doing a great job at consuming more vegetables- I swear, the girl will become a piece of broccoli if she isn't careful- but is currently demolishing more pizza than I have ever seen one human survive.

LaLa ran to work the required 3 days last week (props to her!), only to arrive at a friend's birthday weekend in her clothes from the night before. She almost pulled it off but the power of Pimms forced the confession that she'd had a rather pleasant overnight stay in a hotel and hadn't been home at all. 

My former self would probably have applauded their efforts and moved on without batting an eyelid. But, we're trying to become sophrosyne and these events can quickly be deemed catastrophic failures with the potential to cause some metaphoric throwing in of the towel and giving up all together. Which brings me onto one of my favourite parts of the plan, Happy Medium.

The definition of sophrosyne requires us to have a "deep awareness of one's true self" so it's time to stop kidding ourselves that we will ever become an incarnation of the goddess herself and realise that, quite frankly, would we want to be? 

Now, before you get downhearted about this revelation and wonder if there's any point any more, I should explain how this actually only makes the plan more exciting!

1. Dream big- God loves a trier, so be one.

2. Set your baby steps- small things that make you at least feel like you're making progress.

3. Be yourself- nobody wants to be friends with a girl who has the personality of a wet lettuce so sometimes you're just going to have to go with it. Just maybe try to elegantly step off the band wagon rather than spectacularly falling...and don't forget to hop back on when the next one arrives!

Good Luck!

Love, life and laughter,

Sophrosyne

xxx

Step Two: One Step At A Time

"There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

I warned you last time that the hard work was about to start. But actually I lied. You see, I've learnt the hard way that making grand statements about how you're going to change your life and become the epitome of moderation and self control overnight can....well, end in a not so moderated and self controlled way. That's not to say that you can't dream big- in fact, quite the opposite. One must always maintain a clear vision of the goal. But, if you don't have a plan then how on earth are you going to get there?

It is for this reason that the journey to becoming sophrosyne is akin to "looking after the pennies"...except the pennies are small changes, the pounds are acts of restraint or self-awareness and the big bucks come when sophrenity (yeah, I made that up but let's just roll with it) is part of every day life.

These baby steps can come in all sorts of guises. My first mission is to simultaneously decrease general slobbery and increase elegance. Admittedly the fact that I have chosen to achieve this by always having my nails filed, clean and painted may seem a minuscule but, as you will come to realise, sophrenity is a state of mind and my perfectly manicured talons are serving as a daily reminder of my journey!

The key thing is to choose something that will make a difference, no matter how small. Harmonie is currently on a mission to make her bed every day and Ritto was so excited by the prospect of a pre-work morning shower that she covered her bed in reminder post-it notes- like I said, one solitary step at a time. At present, Sapias is putting us all to shame with her sudden and somewhat obsessively keen interest in yoga (I'm sure there's something shady going on there...)

Of course, there will be hiccups along the way. Having painted nails is not going to magically transform my bedroom from a health and safety hazard into a sophisticated sanctuary. Harmonie's made bed might actually convince her that it would be rude not to share her efforts with not quite eligible visitors and Sobrietas will still lose all inhibitions courtesy of mid-week wine despite her efforts to drink more water (albeit it flavoured and sparkling). But that's not the point. We are ticking this plan off one box at a time and every small victory is a great one!

Decide what yours will be, commit to it and, in the immortal words of Jordin Sparks (remember her?!);

There's no need to rush,
It's like learning to fly or falling in love,
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen,
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time.

Until next time...Love, life and laughter,

Sophrosyne
xxx

Step One: Epiphany

"Epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into  

the reality or essential meaning of something, usually  

initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."

 

 

The first step of the plan is simple: acceptance. Believe me, when you have your "epiphany moment", you will know. Take the example of Ritto- she woke up in the middle of the night feeling slightly worse for wear. In fact, she was feeling quite a lot worse for wear, couldn't make it to the loo and so threw up in her fur throw. Don't worry, the "sick blanket" has now been relegated to a permanent position on the terrace floor. The antithesis of togetherness.

 

The tipping point could also come as it did for Harmonie following a first date- she'd met him online so should have known it wouldn't end well. Probably a step too far when she woke up with a half-eaten Domino's and an Australian in her bed though. No self control and moderation here.

 

Sobrietas's moment of realisation came in a slightly more painful fashion. She'd gone out in her sensible heels but that didn't stop her taking a somewhat impressive tumble down the stairs in a busy club and sustaining a fairly significant arm injury. Fear not though, her shoe loss resulted in a "Cinderella moment" when her Prince Charming scooped her up and made sure she "got home safely". More of an issue when she woke up with him the next day and his innocent question of if her arm was swollen was misconstrued as him calling her fat. Poor boy. So not sophrosyne.

 

So, we've established we need to change. Well done. Step One of the journey to becoming sophrosyne is complete. Maybe treat yourself to a glass of wine as a figurative pat on the back before the hard work starts with Step Two: One Step At A Time (coming soon).

 

Love, life and laughter,

Sophrosyne

xxx



Becoming Sophrosyne- The Togetherness Plan

"Sophrosyne was a Greek goddess. She was the spirit of moderation, self-control, temperance, restraint, and discretion."

As a recent graduate living in London, life can get a little crazy at times. There's working hard, long hours and unprecedented levels of stress. Throw in the constant temptation of "a quick drink" and the need to let one's hair down and you have the recipe for, let's face it, not the most "together" of lives.

Becoming sophrosyne started as a joke between me and a colleague- Sobrietas, who you'll be hearing a LOT about- but soon developed into "The Togetherness Plan". Our mission? Negotiate the trials and tribulations of the corporate graduate world to reach our ultimate goal of becoming well-balanced and respectable human beings.

Did I mention that we're single? This adds a whole new level of complications, shame and general bad decisions to our already unravelling lives. So, join us on our journey, share your words of wisdom and laugh with us at our frankly ridiculous misfortune!

Step 1 of the plan coming soon!

Love, life and laughter,

Sophrosyne
xxx